This week's episode of The Bachelor was ABSOLUTELY NUTS. Where do I even begin?

Ok, let's start where we left off last week, with Kelsey laying on the floor having a "panic attack." PRETTY SURE when you're having a REAL panic attack you don't start laughing, and say, "I better get a rose for this." WHAT A LOAD OF CRAP. It was alllll a ploy to get Chris' sympathy. If you didn't hate Kelsey already at this point, you should've after this incident. You could see from the look on all the other girls' faces that they had totally had enough. I was YELLING at my TV. What a way to start off the episode!

First rose ceremony - Mackenzie FINALLY goes home. First success of the night. Oh, and Ashley started crying. Per usual.

Chris drags the girls from New Mexico to... DRUMROLL PLEASE... South Dakota? And of course, all the girls have these AMAZED looks on their faces, like they are SO THRILLED to be in South Dakota. Ok...

The one-on-one date goes to Becca (who?). I guess that's a good thing, though, because she's kind of been in the backround. So, Becca and Chris goes horseback riding, and it's NICE, but not very passionate or exciting or memorable. The best part of the whole date was when Chris said, "Becca looks smokin' hot on that horse." #ThingsIowansSay

In the meantime, the girls decide it would be a lovely idea to confront Kelsey about how she's a terrible human being. Does it go well? Obviously not. Kelsey's reaction had me FUMING. I swear, you could see flames in my eyes. Her ACTUAL QUOTE: "I'm blessed with eloquence. And I'm articulate and I use a lot of big words. Because I'm smart." IS THIS CHICK SERIOUS? Yeah, THAT'S why everyone hates you, because you're SO smart. Not because you're manipulative or psychotic or delusional...

Group date time! All the girls, except Kelsey and Ashley, are selected to go write songs with Big & Rich. And YOU KNOW WHAT THAT MEANS! Kelsey and Ashley will be going on the 2-on-1 date, which is just as big a disaster as you'd imagine. But, we'll get into that in a minute.

So, all the girls are required to write and sing a song for Chris in front of everyone, and, I'm sorry, but these girls can NOT sing. Well, aside from cruise-ship singer Carly. Hers was pretty good. That's why she was SUPER disappointed when Chris grabbed Britt and ran away with her. They come back from the Big & Rich concert an hour later and SURPRISE! Britt has a rose in her hand. The girls are NOT HAPPY. Tears are cried by all. So what does Chris do? He LEAVES and Britt is left to deal with the sharks. Nice.

And now... the moment we've ALL been waiting for... the dreaded 2-on-1 date with Kelsey and Ashley. 30 seconds into the date and it was already SUPER awkward. It was probably good that they were in the middle of nowhere, because things became real messy real fast. Ashley gets alone time first, where she tries to eat Chris' face. They she spends all of her time bashing Kelsey and telling Chris that nobody in the house likes her. So WHAT DOES CHRIS DO?! He turns around and TELLS KELSEY WHAT ASHLEY SAID. Brilliant plan. Tell one girl that the other girls is talking smack about her and then LEAVE THEM ALONE TOGETHER. That's when Kelsey's epic stare-down occurs. Seriously, it was terrifying. It was followed by the BEST quote of the night from Kelsey, "I KNOW WHAT YOU DID." Then all hell breaks loose, and Ashley LOSES HER MIND. Chris tells her that he doesn't think he can give her what she needs, which I heard as, "You're too immature and high maintenence," and she has an epic snotfest. Honestly it was the most insane reality TV breakdown I've ever witnessed. When Chris breaks the news that Ashley is gone to Kelsey, she pretends like she cares for a second, until Chris finally kicks her out, too. They he leaves them in the Badlands and flies away in his helicopter. BYE FELICIAS.

When the girls back at the house find out Kelsey is gone, they pop champagne and one of them screams out, "Let's get DRUUUUNK." Best ending ever.

What are your thoughts on last night's episode? Share them below!